Your first major challenge to effective networking is to understand that networking is not inherently sleazy.
I know both men and women who have this particular opinion. When you’ve been raised in a way that encourages modesty and humility – you may feel particularly averse to networking because it is sometimes thought of as a combination of bragging about yourself and using people.
Some people that I’ve spoken to actually feel dirty after engaging in ‘instrumental networking’ (i.e., networking with the goal of advancement).
Most therapists will know nowadays – the mention of DIETS sends a shiver down the spine of anyone trying to lose weight. Some marketers insist that it’s because it has the word ‘DIE‘ within it. Maybe? But what’s more likely it is that the mere notion of a diet creates an image of abstinence racing through our minds. Going without this, going without that….. ‘Going without‘.
When introduced in the context of nutrition, ‘going without’ implies starvation. The mind thinks starvation, the body then begins its self-preservation routine of ‘storage’ to help you survive for as long as humanly possible… a bit like a hibernation.
So diets invariably make the body think that the person is starving, and the longer they pursue the diet, the more they end up bingeing. The person’s weight may drop satisfactorily but it is not in conjunction with the optimum mindset for successful weight maintenance.
Once the person hits their perceived ‘ideal’ weight, they often give up the diets and their body instantly realises that it’s no longer going without, it begins to fight back and sees the person return to their old pattern of overeating… and here we have the ‘YO YO’ effect.
We’ve all heard tell the stories that the majority of people lose weight temporarily and then they immediately put it back on – sometimes even more than they had before. I’ve encountered statistics showing that figure to be well over 70%.
The diet industry is as colossal as ever, even though they must know the truth, they still pump out their latest money-making schemes. So, why do people still keep starting diets?
Role-models and the Media
Diets are still promoted beyond belief. I bet off the top of your head you can name at least 3 different diets, some of you may be able to name many. And often at the head of a diet is some celebrity who is being paid millions of dollars to endorse the campaign.
The rich and famous have often been role models because people want to be successful like them; they want to copy their achievements or sometimes just want their own 15 minutes of stardom.
These overweight celebrities (some of whom nowadays only have to post one viral movie on the internet before they’re considered famous) are offered this money, to have someone representative from a particular diet scheme follow them around for months, meticulously directing their nutrition and exercise and sometimes even mindset. This makes the celebrity miraculously ‘drop the weight’ in a matter of weeks (they always mention weeks because ‘just 8 weeks’ sounds shorter than ‘2 whole months’) and able to talk about their painful story of being overweight and all the pain attached to the situation.
Who wouldn’t be able to lose weight if you had a dedicated team monitoring every part of your daily life and meticulously sorting your food for you? Let’s not go into the diet clubs who have (very well paid) doctors endorse their products shall we.
I have often though that diet clubs that only address nutrition, although meaning well, simply aren’t in the weight loss industry. The bonus of a weight loss club for many is simply that it gathers together like-minded dieters who can support each other on their journey towards success.
The participants lose weight, they plateau and then start to gain weight again as their body adjusts to starvation mode and creates binge eating. This is when the diet industry peddles their ‘chemically enhanced nutrition’ products…. you know the ‘wonder-foods’… the miracle weight loss products.
Those participants who are now in a fragile state, blaming themselves for their fall from weight loss fall for the snake oil approach and become artificial food junkies.
But let’s just say that a particular struggling dieter chooses to go on with their diet, in the face of pending failure. They’re resilient – I’ll give them that – but … why?
Is it because they feel guilty, do they feel guilty for allowing their weight to reach the extent that it has? Do they think the yo-yo-ing weight is their fault and so they need to continue to punish and restrict themselves in the name of progress?
Is guilt what started them dieting in the first place? Maybe, so how do they feel on top of that initial guilt, when their diet begins to fail too? They are then hit with extra emotional pressure and begin to spiral downwards towards anxiety and depression.
All because they simply didn’t understand that a few swift changes to their thoughts, their beliefs, their MINDSET… can make such profound changes to their physicality.
Food should be enjoyed alongside the benefit of it helping us to survive, but for whatever reason… an imbalance of the person’s personal needs… emotional pressure… internal thoughts… external influences… they’re struggling.
But instead it’s seen as the enemy and systematically eliminated from our nutrition in order to lose weight.
So what happens inside your body?
Okay, in simple terms, you restrict your food intake. Your mind is already thinking starvation; this sends the signal to your body to prepare for the worst, to start storing up fat reserves for the hibernation.
So the starvation commences and you begin to lose weight. Reports often say that the wrong kind of weight drops off first, whether you’re losing weight through water-loss and dehydration or your body is losing muscle mass and not fat itself studies are still arguing over the process – either way your metabolism slows down.
So when your weight loss begins to slow down, you feel guilty, your brain reaches for ‘naughty’ food to make you feel better cakes, buns, sweets etc. and the fat from these high sugared foods hits a slow metabolism and simply doesn’t process in the way it should. Fat storage develops again.
This makes the dieter worry even more; they begin to go off track or give up on that particular diet and try another one. They reinforce that food is the enemy. They begin to worry about every bit of food they eat, they become stressed and anxious. They obsess over food; it’s always on their minds.
This is where it all begins; this is where the solution lies. Not starvation, not magic pills… but a relaxed, enjoyable mindset in which food can be enjoyed and then forgotten about until you feel hungry once again. But how is that possible?
It’s possible by simply allowing yourself to become more in tune with your body’s internal signals at the same time as learning to calm your mind from disturbing emotional baggage and learning to love yourself, raise your self-esteem and let go of the guilt attachments.
Let’s compare. One side – diets – has you restricting food, counting calories, feeling bad, monitoring weight, bingeing, failing, getting fatter, feeling worse, turning to chemicals or giving up. The other side – mindset – promotes self-love, getting back in touch with true body signals, enjoying food and feeling great – oh and did I mention while still losing weight?
Losing weight a more positive mindset means that you CAN get hungry, you can respond by eating properly and consciously and stopping when you’re no longer hungry.
You’ll begin to realise that your pathway to a slimmer, healthier body can be an enjoyable journey that not only releases you from your food prison, it opens up your whole life to new adventures by releasing all the worry about food.
Mindset coaching and other modalities which help spring-clean the negatives away and supercharge your motivation are nowadays being proven to be the best solutions for maintaining a healthy mind and body.
Sensible nutrition, some form of exercise every day and a positive mindset are the ultimate combination to success.
Low self-esteem can show in many ways. Habits and behaviours, some of which you may try to hide and some you may not even be aware of.
Everything you do is a reflection on how you perceive and react to events in the outside world. From your body language to what you text, from the way you act after sex to who you invite to parties speaks volumes about your sense of self-worth.
You may be used to your own self-esteem habits and behaviours, you may even think they make you unique, but you’re wrong. Low self-esteem is a real problem that requires real solutions.
YOU MUST get your self-esteem in check because low self-esteem can sabotage your career, your relationships and your happiness. If somewhere deep down inside you never feel good enough, you’re more likely to stay in unfulfilling relationships and mediocre jobs. More so, you might create walls that keep you from having meaningful relationships with family, friends and loved ones.
Take a look at your life and habits, you may discover that the way you live your life screams “I have low self-esteem.” But knowing is the first step to improving your self-esteem and finding the inner strength to live a life that makes you genuinely happy.
Here are 10 signs you’re suffering from low self-esteem.
You Apologize For Living
If someone bumps into you on the street, do you apologize? People with low self-esteem often suffer from a faulty self-image, or an inaccurate view of their worth. Do you feel like everything that goes wrong is somehow your fault?
Solution: When you hear yourself apologizing, acknowledge that the apology is inappropriate and remind yourself that you did not do anything wrong.
You Claim Everything Is Luck
When something great happens to you, do you say you were just lucky, in the right place at the right time? Do you take things one step further and even say you don’t know why it happened because you’re not worthy?
The fact is that your talent, intelligence, and personality played a role in your success. But you continue to make irrational or dishonest self-statements. Other habits include not accepting compliments, deflecting praise, and criticizing others who are in the same boat.
Solution: When someone gives you a compliment, practice simply saying “thank you.” Also, why not own that you are awesome and you got that promotion because you are really good at what you do?
You Buy Things You Don’t Actually Like
Have you ever shopped and done so with the opinions of others in mind? Did you pick a path in life that you thought would impress your friends or parents instead of one that would advance your own dreams? Comparing yourself to others and living for approval are killers of both joy and self-esteem.
Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, or perhaps you can think about the similarities of others. Perhaps others are in the same situation as you, but showing it in different ways.
You Have That One Weird Habit
Do you pick your scabs; do you bite the skin around your nails or inside your mouth? Do you constantly scan your body or head for hairs that you can pluck? This is called compulsive self-mutilation – Trichotillomania – and it’s a common habit of people with anxiety or low self-esteem. It’s often a coping mechanism for uncomfortable feelings.
Solution: Try writing your feelings down in a journal to give yourself another outlet. You may need help from a therapist.
You Invite That Person You Hate To All Your Parties
People with low self-esteem are often very concerned about the opinions of others. They’re also very concerned with keeping the peace. It may be easier to socialise with your nemesis and let them treat you badly than to confront them about their behaviours you or remove them from your life.
Solution: Avoid exaggerating or catastrophizing the events in your life. Stop assuming that have no friends if you don’t socialise with that person you don’t like.
You Take More Naps Now Than You Did In Preschool
Low self-esteem has many physical side effects, fatigue being a major one. Naps could also be an avoidance tactic when you have a lot on your plate, or a sign of depression.
Solution: Try talking with a therapist to help improve the impact of low self-esteem on your life. You can also try practical tips, such as eating better, getting enough sleep at night, and exercising, to improve your energy.
You Sneak Out After Sex
Sneaking out after sex can mean that you got what you wanted and now you want to go home. Or it can mean you aren’t confident enough to think that the other person will still want to spend time with you once he or she has gotten what they want.
People with low self-esteem often have chaotic relationships that suffer due to constant feelings of unworthiness.
Solution: Before you get to the naked part of the evening, talk about expectations. Be blunt and trust your instincts.
You Check Your Phone For Non-Existent Messages
When there’s a lull in the conversation or when you’re left alone for a minute at a party or networking event, do you jump right to your phone instead of chatting or mingling?
Maybe you’re bored. Or maybe you’re not confident enough to think that other people want to talk to you or care about what you have to say. Poor social skills can be a tell-tale sign of low self-esteem, according to The Self Esteem Institute.
Solution: Scan the room for acquaintances and see if there’s someone you’re comfortable talking to. If not, check the room for other singles and say hey or introduce yourself. You might also look for activities you can join in on. The group setting might make you feel a little less on-the-spot as one-on-one conversations sometimes can.
You Tell Really Dumb Lies
Maybe you’re trying to keep the peace or maybe you don’t think the truth is interesting enough but you tell little white lies all the time.
Then later it’s a case of “OMG why did I say that?” This is common behaviour that points out that people with low self-esteem often wear masks or pretend to be something they’re not to gain approval.
Solution: Let yourself be vulnerable and explore the idea that people will still like you as you reveal your truths.
You Can Never Pick A Place To Eat
Do you frequently have the conversation “what do you want to eat?”, “I don’t know, what do you want to eat?” Not only do people with low self-esteem have trouble making simple decisions, they also frequently change their minds when they do decide something,.
Solution: Tell yourself “The world is not going to end if my partner or friend says, ‘No, I don’t want to go there, to eat this or do that.'”
If you find yourself doing a lot of these things, it may be time to take a good, hard look at your self-esteem. You might find that life is a lot easier (and more fun) when you have more belief in yourself.